On sisterhoods

On sisterhoods.

I grew up with two older half sisters who doted on my every whim.  They taught me to read when we’d play school, made me pretty when we played dress up and played board games with me to my heart’s content. 

When they left our home when I was about 8 years old, I always felt a void, wishing I had a sister to love.  Don’t get me wrong, I was a very protective older sister to my younger brother, but I dreamed of having a sister to share secrets with, go shopping for things like make up, and to have as a live in best friend.  In my fantasies having a sister with me at home to be BFFS with would make all of life’s trials and tribulations be okay.

Throughout my life I have never really had problem meeting people and making friends. Although I say I am introverted extrovert who feels intimidated at certain social circles, I do love to meet people.  Thus I have many accquaintences that I can talk to easily.  These friends of mine span a huge cross walk of life, from internet friends in other states and countries, to people I have met while running races, or people that have kids at schools with my kids. 

Now that I am in my mid forties and facing many of life’s crises friends, especially girlfriends,  have become extremely important in my life.  These women sisters have shown me that I am strong and that I am loved.  Two things that I desperately need these days.  It's funny to me how I have found these women warriors in the strangest of places.  Some have been friends with me since high school, others, earlier than that, some friends I met on the internet, and some that I have been colleagues with. 

It has amazed me how these women freely share their strength with me during times when I don't seem to have my own, and how easily they support me asking NOTHING in return.  They open their arms, and their hearts so easily with hugs that ease my anxiety and help me know that I am not as pathetic as I feel. 

And, so, to my sisters out there, thank you for loving me when I don't have too much love for myself, for reminding me that I am strong, and for letting me know that imperfect is okay.  I will always return the favor and I am extremely thankful that you are all in my life.  

NTIN April 2016

The National Teacher Induction Network is comprised of a group of educators working in the field of Induction and Mentoring at sites located across the country. These leaders in the field come together in the spring and fall to collaborate to ensure that all students have access to high quality teaching.    Although this would be my first time participating, my team with the Hawaii Teacher Induction Center has been participants for awhile.  Some of the activities they have participated in is the creation plans for the Hawaii Department of Education Induction and Mentoring Program, participating in professional development on data analysis and leadership, all while working with experts in our field and collaborating with colleagues. 

I really had no idea what to expect from this trip but my colleagues assured me that it was going to be a transformative experience.  I wasn’t really sure if I should believe them but I had nothing to lose and all to gain.  With that, I dove into the assignments and professional readings I needed to do in preparation, kissed my kids goodbye and jumped on the plane. 

This would be my first trip to San Jose. I had no background knowledge about the city and no expectations.  To be honest, the city seemed to be just an ordinary town and perhaps that was perfect for me since it left me with no distractions and just an open mind ready to be ignited. 

The first day of the conference was an afternoon reception, and after a day bonding with my colleagues it was time to get to work.  At the soiree I was introduced to many of the New Teacher Center staff as well as other participants.  Since I don’t enjoy mingling with strangers I pretty much kept to my group but it seemed as if they knew everyone and was comfortable chatting and hugging everyone.  Thus,  I was thrown into many conversations that I normally would have shied away from.  It was a little unnerving for a person like me but I had to suck it up and deal.  It was part of the package and I knew I had to play so I smiled and mingled as best as I could in a room of strangers. 

During the reception a keynote was given by Anne Udall and it was as if her words spoke straight into my soul.  She asked us to think about what we did to take care of ourselves so that we would be prepared to lead others.  As I listened to her speak I knew that this would become a mantra that I would repeat not only to myself but my family, friends, and colleagues. The walls that I had built began to fall, I was mesmerized by this thing called NTIN and I went back to my room to free write my thoughts around Anne’s words. 

Day 2 started after a fulfilling breakfast with my team with more fun and bonding and afterwards we jumped straight into learning about great leaders and what made them successful.   We were asked to look at a case study and think about what we would do as leaders to right a Program that had gone horribly wrong.  I was able to use much of my own experiences running my Induction and Mentoring Program and as I worked with the others in the group I came to the realization that I had the skills, resources, and support to ensure that my program continued to grow and prosper.  This confidence boost helped me to feel more comfortable collaborating with the other participants that were to be a new resource for support. As I walked back to my room, I felt a feeling of gratitude that I was given this opportunity to grow as a person and a leader. 

On Day 3 I was asked to share the Plan that I had written for the goals I had chosen for my Program in school year 2016-2017.  I was nervous, of course, but buoyed by the support of my team and the reminder that I was indeed qualified to lead a program I shared my thoughts with my extended team.  They gave me great feedback and I could feel myself getting more and more comfortable.

After the morning session it was time to change it up again and I had some feelings of anxiety as I would be working on a Focus Group without any of my Hawaii colleagues.  Feeling a little intimidated again, I told myself just suck it up and smile a lot!!  The Focus Group that I went to was one for Mentor Professional Development and I was feeling insecure and hesitant because I assumed that I would have nothing to contribute. However, upon participating in the activity I realized that I had a wealth of knowledge to share with the group and told them about the Mentor Forums that we did in our complex area around data sharing and supporting our Mentors.  I talked and I shared, and I spoke from my heart with passion and conviction. I crafted a plan based on the plan that we implement at home.  No one looked at me like I was crazy or booed.  In fact, they seemed interested in what I had to say and I was stunned.  After this session I knew I had arrived.  I was no longer a new resource teacher struggling to understand Induction and Mentoring and trying to figure out where I was.  In fact, I was the Lead of the Central District Induction and Mentoring Program and I was poised to lead our stakeholders in our mission to ensure that all students had access to high quality education.

Upon reflecting on my 3 days at the Network I realize that I left the conference a different person than when I had arrived.  The educator who left was confident in her abilities and secure in her role as leader. This leader embraces the responsibilities that come with her title and is fearless in the face of the long road ahead.  I know where I want to go, have next steps planned, and am ready to get my team going to achieve our goals.  I realize that the road may not be easy, but rather than worry about the trials and tribulations we are sure to face, I am excited about the possibilities for success when my plan comes together. 

Hapalua Half Marathon 4.10.15

And I can finally check off one of the biggest goals on my to do list!!!

Today was a huge day for me. I finally ran a sub-2 Half Marathon!!!!  This has been a goal of mine for awhile and up until this morning I wasn't sure if I would ever accomplish it.  In November 2015 I set a new PR for halves running a 2:01 at the Val Nolasco.  Since the Fall I have been consistently getting faster and setting new records for each race/distance that I had been running, but when doing the math for a sub 2 half, it always seemed impossible to me to run 13 miles at a sub-9 pace.

Nevertheless, huge PRs at all three of the races I ran this year indicated that the Hapalua (even with Diamond Head at mile 9-12) might be a good race for me to smash my goals.  And so I trained like I never trained.  I began taking a "RIPPED" class every Monday and added in some cycling to get stronger.  I ate well and dropped a good amount of weight. I ran hills at least 4 times a week mixed in with tempo runs and ran my long runs up to 14 miles. I ran the Hapalua Half hills as much as I could.

Leading up to the race I didn't want to put too much pressure on myself and I didn't want to be over confident.  As a self-trained runner I can only rely on my past experiences, tips from my friends, and my best instincts.  The races I ran this year all told me loud and clear that I could run sub 9 miles for a long distance. I just wasn't sure if it was 10, 11, 12, or 13 miles.  My gut instinct told me that I was the best shape in my life. I was running 30-40 mile weeks and feeling good.  My speed workouts were getting faster, and hills were no problem.  The only question mark was my mind, and whether all the weight I lost would be a good or a bad thing.

With all of this swirling in my head I decided to come up with a plan.  I played a bit with pace calculators and decided that my plan would be this:

1. Run the flat part of the course (mile 1-9) at an 8:45 pace.  My recent 1:11 time at the Great Aloha Run proved that this shouldn't be a problem.  
2. Run the hills no slower than a 10:00 pace. 

Adding up the miles and times I knew that if I could do this I would be able to squeak out a 1:59 Half Marathon.  I had run the hills and timed myself so I knew that I could do it.  What worried me was the weather, the vog, and the humidity.  If mother nature decided to be mean it would hurt me. 

The evening and morning of the race I had a few snags but my sole sisters Heather and Cathy kept me loose and laughing.  I made the decision to go with my game plan and when the gun went off I went for it.

This year was the largest Hapalua crowd ever and the front was congested with too many runners, and too many people that were not staged correctly. I did a lot of weaving to try and break free of the pack so that I could get to my pace. I finally found an opening and settled in to an 8:30 pace.  The sun was still low in the sky and the wind (although it was a head wind) kept me cool.  I reminded myself to stay mentally engaged and ran taking in the sights around me.  I stayed on pace for the first 3 miles with no problem. Running through Waikiki is always cool and running past Ala Moana into down town exciting because the Elite runners participating in the Chase are always super cool to watch.  I cheered for the runners that I new and watched in amazement as the elite marathoners ran past at their 5 minute pace looking like they were running in slow motion.  They inspired me to run hard and I continued to do so.  

Miles 4 and 5 slowed me down a bit as the sun started creeping into the sky and also because I was getting distracted running back into Waikiki and looking for friends I knew on the route.  That was a bad choice for me and I will remember not to do it again.  I told myself to run faster and better and I was able to stay at an 8:49 pace going into mile 9.  As I neared the Monserrat hill which is a killer I did the calculations and knew that I could ease up on the hill and still make a sub 2.  I was at 1:22 with 3.1 miles left and even slow hill running could not stop me.  I decided to take the hill cautiously as cramping or a fall would kill my dreams.  Of course the competitive part took over and I tried to pass as many runners as I could up the hill. I was yelling at myself and doing everything that I could to get up the hill and I did the first one at a 9:30 pace.  I was way ahead of schedule. I was going to run a sub 2, the only question was, by how much?

I ran down that first hill as fast as I could and got ready to ascend the second one. This hill was my home field advantage and I knew I would be able to run it fast.  I ran up at a 9 minute pace and at the top I told myself to take it easy, no cramping.  That's where my friend Satomi met up with me and ran with me, talking to me.  I was excited that she would pace me in, I was sure to get a good time!

She ran with me a bit, stopped and cheered, ran, and then once I was at Kapiolani Park paced me in all the way to the Finish Line.  When I turned into Kapiolani I could taste victory. It was so close, and yet I was so scared that some crazy freak thing would happen and smash my dreams. I eased up, I told myself to enjoy the moment.  I reminded myself that this was it, this was what i had been training for forever and that all my hard work was about to pay off!  

Satomi told me to run hard after the courts and as I looked at my watch I knew I was going to nail a 1:55 Half Marathon.  I ran hard passing as many people as I could, smiling, and at the end line jumped in the air two times, raised my fists and yelled and kept yelling.  I had accomplished what I set out to do, and I had exceeded my expectations!

My official time was a 1:55:39. I came in 12th place, and only needed to shave off 11 seconds to be in the top 10.  I had smashed my course PR by 9 minutes and my Half PR set in November by 6.  This was a huge, huge feat and I had did it through hard work and the support and love of my friends. 

:)

Ford Island Bridge Run 4.2.16

And it's another PR!!  I've been running well going into this race but lost a bit of weight due to stress. I know I run faster when I am lighter but I wasn't sure if I was fueled/hydrated/rested for the race. I decided to go for it anyway.

When I got to Richardson Field the sky was grey with vog and I knew it was going to be another scorcher on the island.  There's no shade and just a lot of black top so this race is always brutal.  Every year I've run it the ambulance has had to come on the island.  That coupled with a lot of twists and turns as well as the hilly bridges made me question whether I would be able to beat last month's 52 and change PR.

When the gun went off I took off with the front of the pack. I felt strong and loose and I just ran.  I looked down at my watch and saw that I was running a 6 something mile. I've never run a 6 something mile and I was surprised. I eased up a little and stayed with the 7 something.  It didn't seem like I was running fast and it didn't look like the people were running that fast.  It also didn't hurt to run that fast so although I pulled back a little I went with it.  :)

And so I was able to clock my first sub 8 mile in a race with my first mile at a 7:43.  I didn't think I would be able to keep that pace up since I've never really trained at that pace so I pulled back for mile 2 and 3.  I knew that the 2nd portion of the race was tougher due to the heat, lack of shade, and twists and turns of the route and I knew I had to beat an 8:26 pace to beat last month's PR. It was getting harder to keep under an 8:30 pace as the heat and humidity was brutal. I was sweating like crazy and my body was beginning to feel fatigue. Nevertheless, I kept telling myself to push and worked hard to stay mentally engaged.  As I neared the bridges I checked my time and knew I had to run the last mile strong.  Although hills are my strength running into the sun was brutal and I wasn't sure if I was hydrated and fueled enough to pull it off. I was afraid of bonking and passing out but told myself not to let anyone pass me and to pass anyone that I could.

First hill was hard but the second was much easier. I could taste victory and I knew I was going to be able to do it. I powered up that hill and ran toward the finish as hard as I could.  The crowd and my friend Satomi was cheering when I made it to the park and as I looked ahead to the clock at the finish line I knew I was finally going to nail a 51 minute 10k.  As I ran through the finish line I was elated.  I slowed down and felt my body wretching and nauseated.  I had finally arrived.  I had finally learned to run so hard that I got sick.  I went quickly to the refreshments, drank some water, ate a popsicle and sweet bread, and as my body regained normalcy celebrated another goal checked off.

Hard work pays off!!!