Running, it's hazardous to my health!!! Get with the running etiquette!

Before I begin my my own personal propaganda, here are my disclaimers:

1. I am an animal lover.  Huge.  I have always had dogs, in fact I have a few at the moment.
2. I am a very friendly person in real life, in fact I smile, laugh, say hi, and talk to anyone--it's recently gotten me into a few weird "places" but I still smile, make eye contact, and acknowledge everyone in real life.
3. I am a weekend warrior runner.  By that I mean that I don't wear running shorts, I don't have a running visor, I don't subscribe to Runner's World, and all of those other things that "real" runners do.

Now that you know this about me, don't be a hater at then end of this post.  As you know, I've been on a running mission this year.  I've logged over 100 miles in 2011.  I could actually tell you the exact amount of miles I've run this year because I've logged every single workout I've completed on my calendar.  Only problem is that I don't have enough fingers and toes to add it all up.  Let it suffice to say that I've logged enough miles in to have an opinion about running on the streets in suburbia know who runs and how often as well as to formulate some pet peeves about this crazy past time that I have decided to focus all my energies on .  In the last 4 months I have ranted and raged in my head to myself (and my invisible audience) about the lack of etiquette of some of the peeps I encounter on my daily runs.  These have gotten to be so huge in my head that I finally feel the need to get them off of my chest.  So here is goes in no particular order in hopes that my running world can be a little more zen and feng shui.

1. I'm not wearing spandex during my run in the same spirit as the hottie girl/woman in a club.  I probably have panty lines because I sure as hell am NOT wearing a thong while I run. So please please don't honk, whistle or yell out the window at me.  It creeps me out.  It doesn't turn me on, and it's not going to get you my number.  It's not even going to get you a smile or a wave. I am really just wearing those pants because I am an old lady and I jiggle too much and need the support.  So, leave this old lady alone and let me run in peace.
2. Dogs.  I love dogs.  I don't think dogs need to be muzzled on their walks, but this is not my point.  If you have a dog that doesn't like people and will nip at their fat asses as they run by then keep them on a tight leash and make sure that as you're walking your dog you don't have your damn Ipod on so loud that you're not aware of others you're sharing the sidewalk with.  I nearly broke my leg running on the uneven grass swerving far far away from a scary looking dog only to have the dog lunge at my ass and almost take a bite outta my rump.  Luckily I jumped outta the way in time (I even screamed I was so damn scared) but in landing weird I could have really been injured had my ankles not been so strong from wearing heels all day every day.  If your dog doesn't know how to walk on a leash then I suggest the following  a) take your dog to puppy school, b) walk your dog at non-peak times, or c) keep your dog at home!!!  I am not very litigious but if I ever get bitten by a dog even after giving up the whole sidewalk I will sue your ass to fix my ass!!!!!  And I will make my ass look damn good at your expense!
3. Speaking of walking dogs, the proper etiquette is to yield to the runner/pedestrian and move your dog away from them, while always placing your body in between your dog and said runner/pedestrian.   C'mon, everyone knows this!!  Furthermore, while I love dogs, while I am running I really don't want to pet them, play with them, or talk to them.  Ask my husband.  When he runs with me I ignore him.  Running is always about running with me, not socializing!  And last thing while we're on the subject of dogs, please carry the plastic bag and pick up after your dog!!  My Pink Kayano and Nimbus Asics are waaay too pretty to get poop on them and I would hate for my husband to have to scrape poop off of them..or even worse buy me new shoes!!!
4. We live in America.  Stay to the right.  Common sense, right?  NO!  I am tired of playing "dodge" or whatever it is with people running toward me coming straight at me, I go right, they go left, I try to go left, they go right.  Hello!  You stay on your right, I will stay on mine!  And, even though there are NO LINES on the sidewalk, I think it's common sense that there's an imaginary line.  Everyone has the right to half.  That means, yield!  Don't take up the whole space unless you are in the categories that I explain below.  Oh, and if you're with a friend, then you need to yield by going single file so it's half and half--not give up one fourth of the sidewalk to the oncoming runner.  C'mon now, that's common sense too right?  
5. Yield.  I yield to baby carriages, strollers, joggers, and people with disabilities, ie. wheelchairs or prosthetics.  All else, see above.  Those of you who hog the sidewalk because you think you are entitled, think again.  Just because you are chatting with your girlfriend you haven't seen in a month, just because you're too lazy to get outta the way does not mean that you OWN THE ENTIRE sidewalk.  I am really nice and most times I will take the grass, even the road...but really, show aloha and share!!!  
6. Whoops, I have to add.  I also yield to cute old couples who are holding hands as they walk.  Like the Clarks.  They are one cute couple in love.  They've been holding hands walking since I was a kid.  Seeing them warms my heart.
7. lotta "Hey A!!!" from peeps I know.  Me, I'm not so much into the hi hello social thing.  It's not because I am a snob (see my disclaimers). I just prefer to run when I run.  If I am going to put myself under all that pain then I want to lose some weight so I just don't have time for niceties.  Please don't hold it against me and continue to say hi if you like.  I'll nod, maybe wave but usually won't make eye contact if I don't have to (I'm vain and I look like hell when I'm running!).
8. Cars.  Sigh.  Too many times I've almost been turned into hamburger. Please look up.  Please yield to pedestrians/runners.  Please stop at lights and signs.  And most importantly, slow down.
9. Kids on bikes.  Kids who are clueless.  First of all Bike Education needs to retain funding.  Kids going 100 mph on bikes outta control coming straight at you.  Kids who have no manners and no respect for their elders.  Sigh again....I really don't wanna be on mommy mode while I run or teacher mode for that matter.  That is after all, the reason I run, right?  To get away from all of that.  

To end, I just wanna say that I wish everyone would show aloha.  My parents taught me to be courteous, to respect elders, and to be kind.  I try to live that in all aspects of my life but while running it's getting a little taxing on my body and health.  I run pretty fast anywhere from an 8-11 minute mile.  I will always yield to others BUT running that fast and running on grass, roots, gravel, weeds, and dog poo is getting tough on the ankles.  Although I carry my phone with me for emergencies I would really hate to use it to call someone to pick my sorry ass up.

This is van mommy runner signing out and hoping that you pass on the word so that tomorrow's a better running day!!!

If life throws you a tater tot, go to the fridge and get yourself an apple!

Today was the hubby's day to play Mr. Mom.  He had willingly volunteered for the job and knew what it entailed.  As I left the house for work this morning I left him a list of chores (not too much, didn't want to overwhelm him) and reminded him that it was his turn to cook dinner. In our younger days hubby used to like to cook so I was really looking forward to a gourmet dinner cooked by my chef-in-disguise.

During my workshop hubby's first text promised a good day.  One of his tasks was to buy treats for our little princess's Easter Basket and he brilliantly chose a Moxie girl doll for her.  I gave him some praise and went back to learning.

His second text had me a little worried as he told me that the kids wanted corn dogs for dinner.  Corn dogs?  Dinner?  Not gourmet at all.  I told him that I preferred leftovers but I knew there was NO WAY he would make corn dogs for his debut dinner.  Right?  I mean, c'mon!!  This is the man that would grill shrimps, cook lobsters, shell soy beans.  I was choosing my attitude and remaining optimistic.  I knew that hubby would knock my socks off.  It was his opportunity to shine!!!

My workshop ended and I headed home.  I was eager to see what hubby had in store for me.  As luck would have it, it was an awful day in traffic and the usual trip home took longer than expected.  When I pulled up to the house at near dinner time I was shocked to see that my mommy van was not parked, the house was locked up, and my kids and hubby were nowhere in sight.  I called them up to see where they were and was a little surprised that they were at the market.  "Oh well, a late dinner, that's okay," I thought. But that's when hubby explained that the kids were hungry and he was going to pick something up for them to eat.  "No gourmet dinner?"  I thought to myself?  Maybe he's going to surprise me and get me my favorite poke bowl, or maybe Pho.  Those would hit the spot!  Hubby asked me what I wanted and I told him that I wasn't hungry (my mistake) and that I could eat leftovers (surely he wouldn't let that happen on his DAY TO SHINE AND GET BROWNIE POINTS AND TO PROVE WHAT A GREAT HUBBY HE IS!).  I hung up the phone and decided to go for a run while I waited for my family to get home.

After four miles I was hungry.  As I ran up to the house I heard the kids laughing and playing inside.   I eagerly ran into the house to see my babies that I had missed all day.  As I entered the dining room I saw the two of them seated on either side of the table eating happily.  Dannika:  Fried eggs and rice.  Noah:  Left over spaghetti.  I was a little confused.  Wasn't he going to get them some take out?  Hubby came in from the kitchen and explained that the kids changed their mind and that Dannika was on her third egg and that he was cooking.   

So, I did what every other RESPONSIBLE mom would do and made sure that the kids were being fed while hubby disappeared to the kitchen.  He soon emerged with his work of art dish.  A bowl of pasta with butter for Noah.  What a labor of love.  Buttered pasta is Noah's favorite thing to eat.  He disappeared again and I continued to feed the kids.  

Finally, hubby came out and set a bowl in front of me.

Tater tots.  Tater tots.  Tater tots.

Really?  Tater tots?

I wasn't sure if hubby had noticed that for the last 4 months I had been working out diligently.  Running 6 miles, double workouts, passing on desserts, and eating a ton of salads and vegetables.  The thought of eating tater tots made me physically ill.  I was in disbelief.  He bought me tater tots?  Really?

The 33 year old Aurene would have screamed, yelled, and caused a commotion.  But the almost 39 year old Aurene really had no energy to do so and in fact thought it was hilariously funny.  This above picture of tater tots would FOREVER prove that I, Aurene P. am and will always be the better parent, better spouse, the one that can hold it together, and take care of the family better....while the picture also proved that he, Michael Pila will need to forever kiss my ass, buy me dresses from Eden in Love and Fashionista's Market and ask, "How high?" when I tell him to jump.  

And with that, I went to the refrigerator, pulled out an apple and sliced it up for my dinner.

Choosing my attitude van mommy signing out with stomach growling but not full of greasy potatoes.  :)