Marathon # 8 is in the books and it's a PR by 16 minutes for 26.2 and 21 for the course!
I came into this marathon knowing that I was poised to break my marathon PR of 4:28 that I set at the North Shore Marathon in 2013 and my Honolulu Marathon Course PR of 4:33 that I set last year. I ran a very strong Marathon Readiness Series, taking 1st place in my age group and added Cross Fit, RIPPED and Surfing into my workout routine all of which made me stronger and leaner (for awhile). However, as all runners know, you can never tell what might happen on race day. Things like weather, stomach issues, wardrobe malfunctions can always make things get ugly really fast. And so, I went into the race with an open mind and no huge expectations but with the intent to go out there and run it my best.
As always, my goal was to run as close to a 9 minute mile for as long as I could and then gut out the rest. From racing and training I knew I could hold close to 9 minute miles up to 18 miles and so, although this is not the way one should train, I decided to stick with what has worked for me all year. I trusted my method and I knew that if I could run well for a good amount of time I would be able to convince my mind to carry my body to the finish.
Although I was stressed about pre-race routines due to a Mile Race and a Party on Saturday everything ended up being perfect. I was able to stay off my feet, take naps, rest, and eat well Saturday and had the best night sleep that I had in a long time. I woke up when my alarm went off at 2:15, did my morning routine, and got to the starting line. When the fireworks went off I took off and stayed with my game plan. Everything seemed to be going as planned. I was feeling okay, there was no rain, and I was running behind the people I had always run behind at previous races. I hit the 5k mark at 27 minutes and was happy with my split. I continued on pace and hit 10k at 55 and proceeded to run up Diamond Head strong. From there until the half way mark which I hit at 2 hours exactly as planned I was doing well. The sun was not yet up and there was no rain which was good but I knew that it was going to be tough when the sun rose as it was already very humid.
After the half way mark and into Hawaii Kai I started to slow down. My legs were tightening and I knew I had to ease up. I was already on course for a huge PR and I needed to be smart. After making the turn out of Hawaii Kai I took a bathroom break and then walked through the water stop so that I could start hydrating my body. I decided that I would slow my pace down and fuel as much as I could and just finish the last 8 miles as best as I could. Miles 18-22 went well but once I got on to Kahala Avenue it became a battle of the mind. My legs were freezing from my arches to my hip flexor and even my arms were beginning to cramp. I started grabbing ice from the bags and putting them in my mouth, got the Satohap boys to spray my calves, and took some oranges from some nice strangers on the course. I knew that time was on my side and I just needed to get up the mountain and down without a total break down and I would be good.
At the end of Kahala Avenue before the ascend I saw one of my runner friends walking and was in shock. She's an excellent runner who has BQd in the past. As I ran past her I patted her on the shoulder and told her to get it done, only 2 miles left then ran past and fought up that little hill to Triangle Park.
When I got to the the foot of Diamond Head I walked through the last water stop and drank as much liquid as I could handle and decided to get it done. My usual fast pace up the mountain was labored as I concentrated on not flexing wrong. I made it to the top and was ready to cruise to the finish. I picked up the pace going down hill and my legs were screaming from the pounding (at which point I scolded myself for putting on 5 extra beer pounds) and I just told myself to suck it up and finish it. As I neared Kapiolani Park I could taste victory. I secretly wanted to hit 4:10 but I knew I didn't have the gas to pull it off and I knew that if I tried I could have possibly put myself in major cramp mode and not finish so I jogged in as best as I could with a heel strike as to not put my calves into spasm.
It honestly killed me not to be able to sprint to the finish line as I always do but I knew that smarter was better. As I neared the chute I could taste victory and I knew it was going to be a pretty significant PR for me on a day with rough conditions. I jumped at the finish line and crossed over to a 4:12:29 finish time. I could not stop smiling and was so happy to have finished another marathon. All of the hard work had paid off and it reminded me that there's so much that I am capable of it I set my mind to it.
And so another Marathon is in the books. I don't have another race until the Great Aloha Run in February and I am planning on taking a little break until January. I plan on sleeping in, running for FUN, surfing a lot, going on epic hikes, biking and hitting some yoga classes. :)
Thank you everyone who has been a part of this journey and for supporting me in my madness. This ones for you! <3
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Inagural Kalakaua Merrie Mile 12.10.16
A new race? Hell yeah!
When I got the email that the Honolulu Marathon was planning on staging a new race I was so excited. They do such an awesome job on their races and I wanted to make sure I could always say I ran in the Inagural Merrie Mile :) and Inagural Hapalua Half Marathon. And so I signed up thinking it was only a mile no problem.
Well, the only problem it posed was having to wake up early the day before the marathon on a morning after I decided to Carb Load with the Marathon Maniacs and Runners Hi Ohana at Buca di Beppo. Small issue in the larger scale of 4 days of madness and so I suited up and toed the line.
I wasn't sure if I was going to go all out. I knew it wouldn't be too smart. All I needed was a pulled muscle or a trip and my marathon would be a disaster. And yet, I am competitive and curious and it was pretty much a given that I was gonna toe the line.
When I got to the start it was a very festive mood with lotsa happy runners. There was a dude carrying a 100 pound log, another one wearing a blow up Dinosaur costume. All the hoopla put me in great spirits and when the gun went off for wave 1 which I was in I of course took off (since it was only a mile). I wanted to see how fast I could run and so I went out pushing the pace but not an all out sprint. I was breathing pretty hard due to the vog but feeling good over all. At the turn around I took a few elbows in the tight space and then tried to pick up the pace. I ran in at a good speed that was less than an all out sprint. I was super happy with my time which was 7:12 and put in at the 112th over all and 14th woman. I was stoked.
After my race we watched the elite race and was amazed to see the first place Keptoo come in at 3:58 without breaking a sweat. A concert on the beach with Henry Kapono made the day perfect. :)
When I got the email that the Honolulu Marathon was planning on staging a new race I was so excited. They do such an awesome job on their races and I wanted to make sure I could always say I ran in the Inagural Merrie Mile :) and Inagural Hapalua Half Marathon. And so I signed up thinking it was only a mile no problem.
Well, the only problem it posed was having to wake up early the day before the marathon on a morning after I decided to Carb Load with the Marathon Maniacs and Runners Hi Ohana at Buca di Beppo. Small issue in the larger scale of 4 days of madness and so I suited up and toed the line.
I wasn't sure if I was going to go all out. I knew it wouldn't be too smart. All I needed was a pulled muscle or a trip and my marathon would be a disaster. And yet, I am competitive and curious and it was pretty much a given that I was gonna toe the line.
When I got to the start it was a very festive mood with lotsa happy runners. There was a dude carrying a 100 pound log, another one wearing a blow up Dinosaur costume. All the hoopla put me in great spirits and when the gun went off for wave 1 which I was in I of course took off (since it was only a mile). I wanted to see how fast I could run and so I went out pushing the pace but not an all out sprint. I was breathing pretty hard due to the vog but feeling good over all. At the turn around I took a few elbows in the tight space and then tried to pick up the pace. I ran in at a good speed that was less than an all out sprint. I was super happy with my time which was 7:12 and put in at the 112th over all and 14th woman. I was stoked.
After my race we watched the elite race and was amazed to see the first place Keptoo come in at 3:58 without breaking a sweat. A concert on the beach with Henry Kapono made the day perfect. :)
Monday, November 21, 2016
Boca Marathon Readiness Series 2016
This year I bit the bullet and shelled out over 100 dollars to race in the Boca Hawaii Marathon Readiness Series. This series is a set of 5 races from August to November: 15k, 20k, 25k, 30k, and Half Marathon. This is the 1st year I signed up for the entire series but I have been running the races since 2012.
My training this year has included strength training and surfing and my times have been much faster at all distances. For the first 4 races in the series I ran PRs and in the 5th I was less than a minute off of my PR time for a Half Marathon.
I was very excited to learn that I came in first place for the series in my age group! I ran a total of 11 kilometers in 10:12:37.7
So exciting!!!!!
My training this year has included strength training and surfing and my times have been much faster at all distances. For the first 4 races in the series I ran PRs and in the 5th I was less than a minute off of my PR time for a Half Marathon.
I was very excited to learn that I came in first place for the series in my age group! I ran a total of 11 kilometers in 10:12:37.7
So exciting!!!!!
Sunday, November 13, 2016
11.13.16: Val Mizuno Half Marathon
And my 21st Half Marathon is in the books. Last race in the Marthon Readiness Series. I had a crazy weekend (what's new) and only 2 hours of sleep but I managed to run my 3rd fastest Half and less than a minute off my PR with a 1:56. I am not going to think about what I would have run if I was on top of my game.
Marathon is in a month and it is time to settle down and get serious!!!
Marathon is in a month and it is time to settle down and get serious!!!
Monday, October 24, 2016
11 minute Shred!
I am one of those athletes that are super superstitious. That means that I have before game day rituals that I try to follow for eating, resting, preparing. With my life in the midst of crazy those rituals have gone out the door. With the 30k race, I was hoping to get back on track but I was as nuts as ever. Questionable training, surfing instead of running, fun night on Friday, surfing on Saturday, and just hoping that Sunday was going to go well.
Sunday morning came and it was a little wet. Running 18 miles in rain sounded horrible so I was a little nervous. I knew that this race would be a good indicator of what my marathon would be like and tell me what I needed to do for the next 7 weeks leading up to it so I told myself to go out there and do my best. My goal was to stick with the game plan of staying as close to a 9 minute mile for as long as possible. I wasn't sure how long that would be since my long runs have been spotty but I also knew that I am much stronger than last year doe to cross fit so I was ready to go.
The gun went off and I took off running. I head a sub 9 mile for the first few miles with hills and felt ok. There was no rain and I felt good. Once the hills were done I was ready for the straight run on Kalanianaole. When I got on Kalanianaole I tried to psych myself up for the flat boring 4 miles, what I wasn't prepared for was the crazy ass wind that began blowing me all over the road. I tried to draft as much as I could behind other runners but that didn't help either. I had to lean into the wind and run strong. It was taking goal concentration and a lot of energy to do so and I kept thinking that I just needed to get to Hawaii Kai turn around to get a chance to run with the wind.
After the turn around I didn't feel any push from the wind and my body started to get a little tired and my legs and feet sore. I slowed down my pace because I was already well ahead of my time last year and wanted to play it safe and conservative. Miles 13-16 wasn't pretty and my lack of long runs became very evident to me. As I neared Diamond Head I told myself to suck it up and run hard. Hills have always been my strength so I wanted to run it tough. I was able to run tough but by the time I was at the top of the hill my calves were starting to seize up and I was a little afraid that I was going to cramp. Since this never happens to me I have to think about this and make some changed to my race prep.
As I neared the Finish Line I could see that I had a chance to run a sub 2:50 and so I dug deep and pushed as hard as I could without putting my legs under stress and cramps. I squeezed in at a 2:49.42.8 which was good enough for 6th place in my AG. I was stoked!
After the race ran a few more miles so that I can mentally say I ran 20 miles in training. I am one happy chick.
Sunday morning came and it was a little wet. Running 18 miles in rain sounded horrible so I was a little nervous. I knew that this race would be a good indicator of what my marathon would be like and tell me what I needed to do for the next 7 weeks leading up to it so I told myself to go out there and do my best. My goal was to stick with the game plan of staying as close to a 9 minute mile for as long as possible. I wasn't sure how long that would be since my long runs have been spotty but I also knew that I am much stronger than last year doe to cross fit so I was ready to go.
The gun went off and I took off running. I head a sub 9 mile for the first few miles with hills and felt ok. There was no rain and I felt good. Once the hills were done I was ready for the straight run on Kalanianaole. When I got on Kalanianaole I tried to psych myself up for the flat boring 4 miles, what I wasn't prepared for was the crazy ass wind that began blowing me all over the road. I tried to draft as much as I could behind other runners but that didn't help either. I had to lean into the wind and run strong. It was taking goal concentration and a lot of energy to do so and I kept thinking that I just needed to get to Hawaii Kai turn around to get a chance to run with the wind.
After the turn around I didn't feel any push from the wind and my body started to get a little tired and my legs and feet sore. I slowed down my pace because I was already well ahead of my time last year and wanted to play it safe and conservative. Miles 13-16 wasn't pretty and my lack of long runs became very evident to me. As I neared Diamond Head I told myself to suck it up and run hard. Hills have always been my strength so I wanted to run it tough. I was able to run tough but by the time I was at the top of the hill my calves were starting to seize up and I was a little afraid that I was going to cramp. Since this never happens to me I have to think about this and make some changed to my race prep.
As I neared the Finish Line I could see that I had a chance to run a sub 2:50 and so I dug deep and pushed as hard as I could without putting my legs under stress and cramps. I squeezed in at a 2:49.42.8 which was good enough for 6th place in my AG. I was stoked!
After the race ran a few more miles so that I can mentally say I ran 20 miles in training. I am one happy chick.
Monday, October 3, 2016
What an EPIC DAY! Brio 25k 10.2.2016
Today was the 3rd race of the Marathon Readiness Series, The Brio 25K in Kailua. Over the last 5 years of racing I have run this race 3 times on 2 difference courses and each course has been tough with tons of hills. Going into this race I was a little worried because I haven't been logging the kinds of miles that I have in years passed and my body hasn't been given time to recover from intense workouts. My workout week went like this:
Monday: Run 1 miles, 1 hour of RIPPED
Tuesday: Run 8 miles, Xfit Lower Body/Cardio
Wednsday: Surf, Run 2 miles, Xfit Core
Thursday: Run 6 miles Xfit Upper Body
Friday: Surf. Run 1 mile
Saturday: Run 1 mile
Sunday: Run 17 miles, Surf
Anyway, I was concerned about how all this working out would affect my race and for that reason I ended up skipping a surf sesh on Saturday and instead sat at the beach and watched waves.
Anyhow, I am much stronger than last year, my body is much leaner, and I am running faster with a better pace, but as a whole, my volume of running miles is much lower than last year and I am not sure how that is going to affect me over 26.2. I can't decide how I am going to train the next few weeks as the Marathon gets closer. I would love to keep up the cross training but I know I also need to run more long runs. My new life as a single mom makes it hard to run on the weekends when I have the kids so I am going to figure something out.
But back to the race. I took the day off on Saturday and spent time chilling, relaxing, slowing down, and setting goals at Alii Beach where I always escape to when I need peace. I was hoping that taking the day off from crazy would enable me to run a great race, but of course I also had my doubts. I ate what I needed to eat, drank what I needed to drink and tried to get a good night's sleep for the 3 am wake up call. Everything went well and I made it to the race with lots of time to spare. My game plan for the race was to run a 9 minute mile for as long as I could. This has been my game plan all year and I have been able to follow it pretty well with no problems except for the Hickam Half Marathon when I had a rough day of surfing the day before.
The race started and I took off at an 8:45 pace. I felt comfortable at the pace but didn't want to push any harder because I knew that a lot of hills were to be had in the 2nd half of the race. I cruised along and reminded myself to stay focused which is always a problem for me. I tend to get lost in my thoughts and forget that I am reaching. I handled all of the rolling inclines and was happy to hit my 5k mark of 26 minutes and 10K mark of 52 minutes. As I neared the huge hill by Kalaheo I told myself that I was doing good and would let myself run up the hill at a 10:30 pace. I was able to run it faster than that and made up time on the down hill. The next few miles were rough on me as they are rolling turning inclines which I don't do well on, however, the worst part of my race was the last 3 miles which were all flat. Flat miles are always my slowest because I don't know how to push the pace on these. My legs were a little tired by the end of the race and although I finished strong I know I can finish much stronger than I did.
When it was all over I ended up with a 3rd place finish in my age group which I was very proud of as it was my first placing in any of these series races. Happy day!!
After the race I had a nice breakfast with friends and then went to surf Waikiki with Cathy. Happily for me it ended up being the best ever surf sesh I have had to date. I caught a lot of waves and rode them in nice and long.
It was a great day!
Saturday, September 24, 2016
On heroes
Today while I was at work I visited a classroom and the students were talking about their heroes. I didn't have a chance to read their papers or really think about who my heroes were but tonight I will delve into my my mind to explore this topic.
In the past whenever I had to write about who my hero was I would always say that my hero was my mom. While she and I have always had a somewhat tense relationship I have always admired her and wanted to be like her. At an early age I was made aware of what my mom accomplished in her life. She was the first in her family to graduate from college and she did in fantastic fashion for her time. She left the small island of Kauai and attended college in Colorado. After college she moved back home for awhile but ended up moving away, working on the mainland and eventually teaching in Germany and Morocco. When I was younger I would sneak into her closet to look at her pictures and postcard collection from her travels and also play with the clothes and shoes that she brought back from her glamorous life. Growing up I knew that I needed to be just like mom. I thought she was incredibly brave to see the world.
Well, I ended up learning first hand just how brave and courageous my mom was because just like her I went away to college and also studied abroad in Spain. There were many days when I cried and called her in the middle of the night with one disaster after another. While I was doing exactly what my mom did that made her my hero, I never thought that I was being courageous. I was just emulating my hero.
Today, when I think about heroes I think about Dannika. Dannika, is seriously someone I wish I could be like. She is a little girl who knows exactly what she wants and is fearless in her pursuit of it.
I admire Dannika because I was nothing like her at her age. I didn't ever want to stand out. I was afraid of everything. I feared not fitting in. I wanted to be like everyone else even though no matter how hard I tried I could never be like the popular girls. So when I see Dannika dressing however she pleases with her "interesting" sense of fashion I wish I was as daring as she. I wish I had her confidence even as an adult. I wish I was as brazen as she. Someone once described Dannika as, "bold." And when I think about her that word always comes to mind.
Growing up I was also a huge chicken and still am to this day, but not Dannika! The first time she was ever out in the ocean learning to surf she charged the waves, attempted to duck dive them, got pounded, laughed and jumped pack on and paddled out for more, and then started catching her own waves. She charges everything in life with that high energy and excitement. Watching her when she is in her zone is mesmerizing. She makes me want to be a more of a risk-taker and more fearless.
But probably the reason that Dannika is my hero is that she looks right past people's outsides and right into their hearts. Dannika has never seen any one's skin color or disabilities. She is always the kid trying to help other people. She is always befriending people on the periphery. Her huge heart is what vaults her to heroine status in my eyes. I wish more people could be like her.
In the past whenever I had to write about who my hero was I would always say that my hero was my mom. While she and I have always had a somewhat tense relationship I have always admired her and wanted to be like her. At an early age I was made aware of what my mom accomplished in her life. She was the first in her family to graduate from college and she did in fantastic fashion for her time. She left the small island of Kauai and attended college in Colorado. After college she moved back home for awhile but ended up moving away, working on the mainland and eventually teaching in Germany and Morocco. When I was younger I would sneak into her closet to look at her pictures and postcard collection from her travels and also play with the clothes and shoes that she brought back from her glamorous life. Growing up I knew that I needed to be just like mom. I thought she was incredibly brave to see the world.
Well, I ended up learning first hand just how brave and courageous my mom was because just like her I went away to college and also studied abroad in Spain. There were many days when I cried and called her in the middle of the night with one disaster after another. While I was doing exactly what my mom did that made her my hero, I never thought that I was being courageous. I was just emulating my hero.
Today, when I think about heroes I think about Dannika. Dannika, is seriously someone I wish I could be like. She is a little girl who knows exactly what she wants and is fearless in her pursuit of it.
I admire Dannika because I was nothing like her at her age. I didn't ever want to stand out. I was afraid of everything. I feared not fitting in. I wanted to be like everyone else even though no matter how hard I tried I could never be like the popular girls. So when I see Dannika dressing however she pleases with her "interesting" sense of fashion I wish I was as daring as she. I wish I had her confidence even as an adult. I wish I was as brazen as she. Someone once described Dannika as, "bold." And when I think about her that word always comes to mind.
Growing up I was also a huge chicken and still am to this day, but not Dannika! The first time she was ever out in the ocean learning to surf she charged the waves, attempted to duck dive them, got pounded, laughed and jumped pack on and paddled out for more, and then started catching her own waves. She charges everything in life with that high energy and excitement. Watching her when she is in her zone is mesmerizing. She makes me want to be a more of a risk-taker and more fearless.
But probably the reason that Dannika is my hero is that she looks right past people's outsides and right into their hearts. Dannika has never seen any one's skin color or disabilities. She is always the kid trying to help other people. She is always befriending people on the periphery. Her huge heart is what vaults her to heroine status in my eyes. I wish more people could be like her.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
On Fear....
An amazing friend sent me a mantra bracelet that says, "fearless" on it and I wear it all the time (have it on now). It's funny because I have learned that once you accept that it is okay to fear things, you can begin to conquer them. Yesterday I wrote about change and the whole fear of ocean surfing incident that changed my life. Today I want to explore other fears in hope that writing about them and exposing them will help me begin to overcome them.
When I was in high school I drew a picture of a house, a car, a dog, two kids and me and my future husband. Since then I believed that when I achieved that picture that I drew in real life I could consider myself "arrived." You see, I had that vision that every other girl has. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, they buy a house and a dog, have two kids, and live happily ever after. I did everything that I could to achieve that goal and when I finally did achieve that goal and lived it for awhile I found that that life was not a fairy tale. In fact, that life was crazy hard. Love isn't the answer. Marriage doesn't solve everything. Raising two kids is not easy. Staying married is even harder. And becoming that person in the picture doesn't equate happiness.
And so, I had to rethink who I was and what I wanted and where I was going. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever chosen to be a single mom and raise two kids on my own. Never. I honestly believed that the act of having children and creating a family meant that I would be married until death do us part. And I had the hugest FEAR of ever deviating from the "dream." I knew all the statistics, I knew how it would affect the children, I knew that I could never provide for them alone, I knew they would fee different from their friends, I knew that it would mean a host of life changes for me and for them. So I existed unhappy, more than unhappy, miserable for a long time because I was fearful of what the alternative was. And all the while I was scared as fuck of taking a leap of faith to see if I could pull it off. What if if ended up being the hugest mistake of my life?
Well, the jury is still out on whether I made the hugest mistake of my life but one thing is for sure, is that while every day there is fear, at the same time, every day I get a little more fearLESS. For it has been the most empowering act to know that at the end of the day I am still standing in the face of crazy adversity. That every day although I may have made a huge mistakes, or lost my patience, or messed up in some way, that my kids continue to love me, and that our relationship gets stronger. Thus I have learned that although I had every right to be fearful of being a single mom because it is exhausting and hard, that it is not impossible. Every day is living proof that I can do it, some days I do it like a rockstar, and other days I need to drink a beer, but I am doing it. #everydamnday and there was never a reason to fear that I wouldn't be able to survive.
But that wasn't the only fear that came with life change. So, yes, I am going to address that fear of being alone for the rest of my life. To be honest, any single mom is always going to wonder whether they will meet "the one" or whether they are going to be 80 years old living with cats. I did go through that phase for awhile of wondering, and stressing, and stressing some more, and maybe even freaking out just a little bit. But where I stand today I no longer worry about being alone because I have found that while I as single as single can be I am not alone nor am I lonely. For one, the time I have spent finding myself and pursuing activities that I wasn't able to before the life change has shown me that I actually do like myself. There are qualities that I have gained that I admire and respect. I am learning to let go of traits and characteristics that I don't like about myself and to work on me. Because with the time that I do have alone when the kids are with their dad I have had to learn to appreciate being by myself. And I have found that I am able spend time by myself and use that time to reflect and grow and become a better person. It really hasn't been bad at all. In fact, I no longer have to deal with any ridiculousness except the kind that I make for myself. #winning
I have also learned that surrounding myself with like minded positive people ensures that I will never go lonely as well. My tribe has shared so many different adventures with me and are always willing to play my crazy. I have really come to appreciate these friends who have become my family. They are there for me all the time in person, on mobile, whatever. It's funny, I no longer feel empty anymore for my life is rich with laughter and goodness. This has helped my heart to heal, to relax, and to be at peace. The love of good friends is truly healing, and has helped me to be alive and live again. #alive #live
So fear, what is it to me? Fear today is a feeling that I understand and am not afraid it. When I feel it overcoming me and threatening to drown me I now know that I am totally able to quell its overwhelming feeling. I know that I don't have to let it take over my life and bring me to the dark side. I now know that fear will never break me as it once has. I feared the ocean. I feared making a big change. I feared not being able to be a single mom. I feared being alone forever. I tackled these fears, rolled with the set backs, took my time overcoming them, and am currently in the midst of all of them and I am surviving. Heck, I am doing more than surviving, I am thriving. And it is because of my support system as well as my refusal to give up that I have been able to overcome my fears. And so I continue to face fear head on, to not let it throw me, to accept that some things are not going to be easy, but to also believe that I can overcome the fears that are thrown at me. #fearless
When I was in high school I drew a picture of a house, a car, a dog, two kids and me and my future husband. Since then I believed that when I achieved that picture that I drew in real life I could consider myself "arrived." You see, I had that vision that every other girl has. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, they buy a house and a dog, have two kids, and live happily ever after. I did everything that I could to achieve that goal and when I finally did achieve that goal and lived it for awhile I found that that life was not a fairy tale. In fact, that life was crazy hard. Love isn't the answer. Marriage doesn't solve everything. Raising two kids is not easy. Staying married is even harder. And becoming that person in the picture doesn't equate happiness.
And so, I had to rethink who I was and what I wanted and where I was going. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever chosen to be a single mom and raise two kids on my own. Never. I honestly believed that the act of having children and creating a family meant that I would be married until death do us part. And I had the hugest FEAR of ever deviating from the "dream." I knew all the statistics, I knew how it would affect the children, I knew that I could never provide for them alone, I knew they would fee different from their friends, I knew that it would mean a host of life changes for me and for them. So I existed unhappy, more than unhappy, miserable for a long time because I was fearful of what the alternative was. And all the while I was scared as fuck of taking a leap of faith to see if I could pull it off. What if if ended up being the hugest mistake of my life?
Well, the jury is still out on whether I made the hugest mistake of my life but one thing is for sure, is that while every day there is fear, at the same time, every day I get a little more fearLESS. For it has been the most empowering act to know that at the end of the day I am still standing in the face of crazy adversity. That every day although I may have made a huge mistakes, or lost my patience, or messed up in some way, that my kids continue to love me, and that our relationship gets stronger. Thus I have learned that although I had every right to be fearful of being a single mom because it is exhausting and hard, that it is not impossible. Every day is living proof that I can do it, some days I do it like a rockstar, and other days I need to drink a beer, but I am doing it. #everydamnday and there was never a reason to fear that I wouldn't be able to survive.
But that wasn't the only fear that came with life change. So, yes, I am going to address that fear of being alone for the rest of my life. To be honest, any single mom is always going to wonder whether they will meet "the one" or whether they are going to be 80 years old living with cats. I did go through that phase for awhile of wondering, and stressing, and stressing some more, and maybe even freaking out just a little bit. But where I stand today I no longer worry about being alone because I have found that while I as single as single can be I am not alone nor am I lonely. For one, the time I have spent finding myself and pursuing activities that I wasn't able to before the life change has shown me that I actually do like myself. There are qualities that I have gained that I admire and respect. I am learning to let go of traits and characteristics that I don't like about myself and to work on me. Because with the time that I do have alone when the kids are with their dad I have had to learn to appreciate being by myself. And I have found that I am able spend time by myself and use that time to reflect and grow and become a better person. It really hasn't been bad at all. In fact, I no longer have to deal with any ridiculousness except the kind that I make for myself. #winning
I have also learned that surrounding myself with like minded positive people ensures that I will never go lonely as well. My tribe has shared so many different adventures with me and are always willing to play my crazy. I have really come to appreciate these friends who have become my family. They are there for me all the time in person, on mobile, whatever. It's funny, I no longer feel empty anymore for my life is rich with laughter and goodness. This has helped my heart to heal, to relax, and to be at peace. The love of good friends is truly healing, and has helped me to be alive and live again. #alive #live
So fear, what is it to me? Fear today is a feeling that I understand and am not afraid it. When I feel it overcoming me and threatening to drown me I now know that I am totally able to quell its overwhelming feeling. I know that I don't have to let it take over my life and bring me to the dark side. I now know that fear will never break me as it once has. I feared the ocean. I feared making a big change. I feared not being able to be a single mom. I feared being alone forever. I tackled these fears, rolled with the set backs, took my time overcoming them, and am currently in the midst of all of them and I am surviving. Heck, I am doing more than surviving, I am thriving. And it is because of my support system as well as my refusal to give up that I have been able to overcome my fears. And so I continue to face fear head on, to not let it throw me, to accept that some things are not going to be easy, but to also believe that I can overcome the fears that are thrown at me. #fearless
On Change
Today a friend posted something on my Facebook page that got me thinking. In short it talked about Eureka moments and putting one's story in writing. I've been talking for a long time about writing a book and her post was the sign I needed to start writing again. It's not because I feel the need to tell my story to everyone, but it's because there's been so much radical change in my life in such a short time that I need to slow down and reflect on everything and get a little perspective.
It's pretty evident to everyone that has known me for awhile that I am not the same person I was a year ago, even 6 months ago. To some this "new" Aurene may seem radically different but to those who have known me for a long time or know me well, know that I am finally back to the happy go lucky person that I have always been, and boy, has it been a long time coming!
This past weekend my friend, Cathy remarked, "we used to have such a boring friendship" and the words couldn't be more true. Cathy and I have been running together for the last three years. We have spent many hours together, just she and I with no distractions forced to talk about the mundane. Our small talk was very surface level and nothing every deep, emotional, or inspiring. And then one day, in the midst of my madness she said, "I want to buy you a surfing lesson for your birthday."
Cathy had been talking to me about surfing for about a year and every time she brought it up I would tell her that I love the beach, love the ocean, but I don't put my face in the water. My kids would concur. I would take them to the beach and the pool every weekend and I would be the mom sitting on the sand or on the beach chair taking pictures but never going in. You see, although the ocean brings me peace and is a place I flee to when I need to find myself, I nearly drowned in the third grade and so it's been a haunted love of mine for ages. I respected the ocean's power, and although drawn to it, never felt the need to conquer. That is, until that day that Cathy brought the surfing lesson up.
At the time I had already been going through a hurricane of crazy in my life and I had had enough of the pain, oppression, depression, and negativity that was closing in on me. I was crying every day, not sleeping, not eating, and looked and felt like HELL. I was exhausted, tired, broken, and not sure about life. I really needed something different and so when she asked, without thinking I said, "yes." Without hesitating so that I could not change my mind Cathy set up that surfing lesson, told me I could borrow a rash guard and told me where to be.
Some things that you should know about me are 1) I don't break my word 2) I don't back down from a challenge, and 3) I don't wear bathing suits. I already told you that I didn't put my face in the water either, and so you should know that the whole surfing thing was like my playing with the devil. I was fearful yet so intrigued.
Anyhow, I blogged about the whole sufing thing awhile ago and this post is not about the surf lesson itself, but the change that it brought about that has manifested into all aspects of my life. So let's fast forward to September, 2016. I am a different person, and for some people it is hard to swallow. I have been met with a lot of resistance, a lot of anger, and a lot of people just hating on me. The funny part is that I am so happy with my new life that I don't care about the haters. IN fact, most of the things that would annoy me to no end a year ago are now just insignificant things that I refuse to let hold me back. Because the truth is, is I am flying. I am happy, I am surrounded by amazing people, I have two amazing kids, and parents that are supporting me 100%.
The whole surfing incident taught me so much. First and foremost it showed me that it is never too late to chase a dream. You see, I always had this dream of living on the north shore, of waking up with the sun and walking across to the beach. In most people's scenarios living on the north shore would equate withe surfing every day. However, in my dream my dream stopped at me stepping on the beach because back then I thought I would never be a surfer. Ok, in truth even today I am not much of a surfer and I will never be able to surge big waves on the north shore....but hey, in April I never thought I would be on a surfboard in the water, so point is made. At the ripe old age of ---- this chick learned to SURF! How bad ass is that?!!
As I was surfing at Waikiki yesterday a huge swell came and after catching a long wave I found myself battling white water madness trying to get back out to the line up. I laughed to myself as I found myself telling myself to charge the waves head on. I mean, this is me, the girl who didn't put her face in the water charging waves, getting pummeled, going under, hair a crazy mess, and actually enjoying the crazy. And so I told myself, surfing has taught me to take my challenges head on. To face them and not back down.
Finally, surfing has taught me to take risks and step out of my comfort zone. Had I not done that I would not be experiencing the amazing surfing life that I am. Since surfing I have also committed to Cross Fit at least 2 times a week and I now freely wear bikinis with my non-bikini bod. It is truly liberating to realize that I can live life as I want to now. That I can try things and fail, I can meet someone, hit it off and yet nothing might come of it. What I learned is to enjoy the experience, to learn from the good and the bad, the amazing and the hurt. To learn from people who disappoint you, and to cherish the people that have your back. Because you just never know unless you try. So will keep persevering until everything falls in place...whenever that is. You see, I am no longer in a rush to get "there." Because I am "here." I am happy. I am alive. I am living. I am loving. Loving so many things it's not even fair. I have a deep love for my true friends. I have a love for life. I am loving things like beer and bikinis. I love the time I have with my kids. I love the time I have to be me. The negativity no longer gets to me. I no longer feel the need to complain about everything. I don't feel tied to things that I used to. I embrace spontaneity and flexibility. The noose that once kept me uptight and angry has been removed. I am free.
Ah change. Gotta embrace it and love it.
It's pretty evident to everyone that has known me for awhile that I am not the same person I was a year ago, even 6 months ago. To some this "new" Aurene may seem radically different but to those who have known me for a long time or know me well, know that I am finally back to the happy go lucky person that I have always been, and boy, has it been a long time coming!
This past weekend my friend, Cathy remarked, "we used to have such a boring friendship" and the words couldn't be more true. Cathy and I have been running together for the last three years. We have spent many hours together, just she and I with no distractions forced to talk about the mundane. Our small talk was very surface level and nothing every deep, emotional, or inspiring. And then one day, in the midst of my madness she said, "I want to buy you a surfing lesson for your birthday."
Cathy had been talking to me about surfing for about a year and every time she brought it up I would tell her that I love the beach, love the ocean, but I don't put my face in the water. My kids would concur. I would take them to the beach and the pool every weekend and I would be the mom sitting on the sand or on the beach chair taking pictures but never going in. You see, although the ocean brings me peace and is a place I flee to when I need to find myself, I nearly drowned in the third grade and so it's been a haunted love of mine for ages. I respected the ocean's power, and although drawn to it, never felt the need to conquer. That is, until that day that Cathy brought the surfing lesson up.
At the time I had already been going through a hurricane of crazy in my life and I had had enough of the pain, oppression, depression, and negativity that was closing in on me. I was crying every day, not sleeping, not eating, and looked and felt like HELL. I was exhausted, tired, broken, and not sure about life. I really needed something different and so when she asked, without thinking I said, "yes." Without hesitating so that I could not change my mind Cathy set up that surfing lesson, told me I could borrow a rash guard and told me where to be.
Some things that you should know about me are 1) I don't break my word 2) I don't back down from a challenge, and 3) I don't wear bathing suits. I already told you that I didn't put my face in the water either, and so you should know that the whole surfing thing was like my playing with the devil. I was fearful yet so intrigued.
Anyhow, I blogged about the whole sufing thing awhile ago and this post is not about the surf lesson itself, but the change that it brought about that has manifested into all aspects of my life. So let's fast forward to September, 2016. I am a different person, and for some people it is hard to swallow. I have been met with a lot of resistance, a lot of anger, and a lot of people just hating on me. The funny part is that I am so happy with my new life that I don't care about the haters. IN fact, most of the things that would annoy me to no end a year ago are now just insignificant things that I refuse to let hold me back. Because the truth is, is I am flying. I am happy, I am surrounded by amazing people, I have two amazing kids, and parents that are supporting me 100%.
The whole surfing incident taught me so much. First and foremost it showed me that it is never too late to chase a dream. You see, I always had this dream of living on the north shore, of waking up with the sun and walking across to the beach. In most people's scenarios living on the north shore would equate withe surfing every day. However, in my dream my dream stopped at me stepping on the beach because back then I thought I would never be a surfer. Ok, in truth even today I am not much of a surfer and I will never be able to surge big waves on the north shore....but hey, in April I never thought I would be on a surfboard in the water, so point is made. At the ripe old age of ---- this chick learned to SURF! How bad ass is that?!!
As I was surfing at Waikiki yesterday a huge swell came and after catching a long wave I found myself battling white water madness trying to get back out to the line up. I laughed to myself as I found myself telling myself to charge the waves head on. I mean, this is me, the girl who didn't put her face in the water charging waves, getting pummeled, going under, hair a crazy mess, and actually enjoying the crazy. And so I told myself, surfing has taught me to take my challenges head on. To face them and not back down.
Finally, surfing has taught me to take risks and step out of my comfort zone. Had I not done that I would not be experiencing the amazing surfing life that I am. Since surfing I have also committed to Cross Fit at least 2 times a week and I now freely wear bikinis with my non-bikini bod. It is truly liberating to realize that I can live life as I want to now. That I can try things and fail, I can meet someone, hit it off and yet nothing might come of it. What I learned is to enjoy the experience, to learn from the good and the bad, the amazing and the hurt. To learn from people who disappoint you, and to cherish the people that have your back. Because you just never know unless you try. So will keep persevering until everything falls in place...whenever that is. You see, I am no longer in a rush to get "there." Because I am "here." I am happy. I am alive. I am living. I am loving. Loving so many things it's not even fair. I have a deep love for my true friends. I have a love for life. I am loving things like beer and bikinis. I love the time I have with my kids. I love the time I have to be me. The negativity no longer gets to me. I no longer feel the need to complain about everything. I don't feel tied to things that I used to. I embrace spontaneity and flexibility. The noose that once kept me uptight and angry has been removed. I am free.
Ah change. Gotta embrace it and love it.
Monday, September 12, 2016
Runner's HI 20k 9.11.2016
Not sure how I pulled off a huge PR for this race and a 4th place in my age group.
I went on a whirl wind 3 day trip to Chicago for a training with the Hope Street Group, a non-profit organization with which I am currently on a year-long fellowship. Our trip to Chicago was 14 hours long and after arriving it was non-stop craziness of learning sightseeing and having fun with my new friends. The flight back home took 10 hours and I arrived back home Saturday evening at 9:00 pm. I had to run for the streak and get things ready and didn't fall asleep til 11. Lucky thing for me the race started a little later than normal Hawaii races (6:00 am).
I had no expectations for the race and in fact was just hopeful that I would somehow be able to finish the race. When the horn went off I took off with the rest of the runners at the front of the start and realized that I was running an 8 minute mile and felt okay. I knew I wasn't going to be able to feel ok running that pace for the whole race so I eased off a bit and checked myself.
I was able to run the first 6 miles pretty easily at a sub 9 pace but my hips started to tighten up after that and so I eased up on the run. Still I was able to keep a old 9:00 pace for the rest of the race and finished strong passing many runners at the end to finish 4th in my age group with a 1:51. Last year I ran it in a 2:01.
At the moment I am trying NOT to think of what my time would have been if I hadn't went on the trip and if I actually "raced" the race. :)
I went on a whirl wind 3 day trip to Chicago for a training with the Hope Street Group, a non-profit organization with which I am currently on a year-long fellowship. Our trip to Chicago was 14 hours long and after arriving it was non-stop craziness of learning sightseeing and having fun with my new friends. The flight back home took 10 hours and I arrived back home Saturday evening at 9:00 pm. I had to run for the streak and get things ready and didn't fall asleep til 11. Lucky thing for me the race started a little later than normal Hawaii races (6:00 am).
I had no expectations for the race and in fact was just hopeful that I would somehow be able to finish the race. When the horn went off I took off with the rest of the runners at the front of the start and realized that I was running an 8 minute mile and felt okay. I knew I wasn't going to be able to feel ok running that pace for the whole race so I eased off a bit and checked myself.
I was able to run the first 6 miles pretty easily at a sub 9 pace but my hips started to tighten up after that and so I eased up on the run. Still I was able to keep a old 9:00 pace for the rest of the race and finished strong passing many runners at the end to finish 4th in my age group with a 1:51. Last year I ran it in a 2:01.
At the moment I am trying NOT to think of what my time would have been if I hadn't went on the trip and if I actually "raced" the race. :)
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
And she takes 1st!
August has been a super busy month with work starting and changes in my household. Due to a storm one of my races was postponed and rescheduled to August which gave me 3 races in a month--not at all unheard of for me and these weren't too long so it was all good.
The first race I ran in August was the first of the Marathon Readiness Series. Although I completed the series last year today was the first year I signed up for the whole series in one swoop. I haven't been training very week for a marathon because I have fallen in love with xfit and surfing and so my long runs have been sporadic and my eating, sleeping, and exercise schedule a little NUTS!
I ended up racing the Boca really strong and got a PR and 4th place finish. I del physically strong on the hills and was able to keep to my goal of staying beneath a 9 minute mile pace. I was happy that I was able to finish very strong and pass many runners up and down Diamond Head in the last 2 miles of the race.
Just 6 days later I had the Hickam Half Marathon. Historically this has never been a good course for me. It's hot, has many twists and turns, and is flat. I tend to cruise way too much on flat courses. Although I PRd the course by more than 5 minutes, my 2:04 time was a little disappointing. I did surf the day before though and it was quite a shock to my body to run 13 miles a day after being int he sun and ocean all day long. As I ran the race I told myself no more surfing before race day.
A week later I ran the Coconut Chase 8k. Once again my race prep was nuts. I did a RIPPED class, 3 xfit classes and surfed the week before the race and then had 2 beers the night before. I wasn't sure how I would perform but since it was only an 8K I wasn't too worried. When the gun went off I decided to just run as hard as I could. I was able to keep a sub 8 pace for the 1st mile but the 2nd mile was a huge challenge. Aside from the heat and turns I had to run quite a bit on "trail" and that has never been easy for me. Nonetheless I fought through and was able to earn my first 1st place finish for my Age Group. STOKED!
All in all it was a great August :)
The first race I ran in August was the first of the Marathon Readiness Series. Although I completed the series last year today was the first year I signed up for the whole series in one swoop. I haven't been training very week for a marathon because I have fallen in love with xfit and surfing and so my long runs have been sporadic and my eating, sleeping, and exercise schedule a little NUTS!
I ended up racing the Boca really strong and got a PR and 4th place finish. I del physically strong on the hills and was able to keep to my goal of staying beneath a 9 minute mile pace. I was happy that I was able to finish very strong and pass many runners up and down Diamond Head in the last 2 miles of the race.
Just 6 days later I had the Hickam Half Marathon. Historically this has never been a good course for me. It's hot, has many twists and turns, and is flat. I tend to cruise way too much on flat courses. Although I PRd the course by more than 5 minutes, my 2:04 time was a little disappointing. I did surf the day before though and it was quite a shock to my body to run 13 miles a day after being int he sun and ocean all day long. As I ran the race I told myself no more surfing before race day.
A week later I ran the Coconut Chase 8k. Once again my race prep was nuts. I did a RIPPED class, 3 xfit classes and surfed the week before the race and then had 2 beers the night before. I wasn't sure how I would perform but since it was only an 8K I wasn't too worried. When the gun went off I decided to just run as hard as I could. I was able to keep a sub 8 pace for the 1st mile but the 2nd mile was a huge challenge. Aside from the heat and turns I had to run quite a bit on "trail" and that has never been easy for me. Nonetheless I fought through and was able to earn my first 1st place finish for my Age Group. STOKED!
All in all it was a great August :)
Monday, June 27, 2016
Mango Days 5k and a PR!
Got hit by a mean dad pushing a double stroller but I managed to log a 24:54 5k, good enough for 5th place in my age group.
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