Today a friend posted something on my Facebook page that got me thinking. In short it talked about Eureka moments and putting one's story in writing. I've been talking for a long time about writing a book and her post was the sign I needed to start writing again. It's not because I feel the need to tell my story to everyone, but it's because there's been so much radical change in my life in such a short time that I need to slow down and reflect on everything and get a little perspective.
It's pretty evident to everyone that has known me for awhile that I am not the same person I was a year ago, even 6 months ago. To some this "new" Aurene may seem radically different but to those who have known me for a long time or know me well, know that I am finally back to the happy go lucky person that I have always been, and boy, has it been a long time coming!
This past weekend my friend, Cathy remarked, "we used to have such a boring friendship" and the words couldn't be more true. Cathy and I have been running together for the last three years. We have spent many hours together, just she and I with no distractions forced to talk about the mundane. Our small talk was very surface level and nothing every deep, emotional, or inspiring. And then one day, in the midst of my madness she said, "I want to buy you a surfing lesson for your birthday."
Cathy had been talking to me about surfing for about a year and every time she brought it up I would tell her that I love the beach, love the ocean, but I don't put my face in the water. My kids would concur. I would take them to the beach and the pool every weekend and I would be the mom sitting on the sand or on the beach chair taking pictures but never going in. You see, although the ocean brings me peace and is a place I flee to when I need to find myself, I nearly drowned in the third grade and so it's been a haunted love of mine for ages. I respected the ocean's power, and although drawn to it, never felt the need to conquer. That is, until that day that Cathy brought the surfing lesson up.
At the time I had already been going through a hurricane of crazy in my life and I had had enough of the pain, oppression, depression, and negativity that was closing in on me. I was crying every day, not sleeping, not eating, and looked and felt like HELL. I was exhausted, tired, broken, and not sure about life. I really needed something different and so when she asked, without thinking I said, "yes." Without hesitating so that I could not change my mind Cathy set up that surfing lesson, told me I could borrow a rash guard and told me where to be.
Some things that you should know about me are 1) I don't break my word 2) I don't back down from a challenge, and 3) I don't wear bathing suits. I already told you that I didn't put my face in the water either, and so you should know that the whole surfing thing was like my playing with the devil. I was fearful yet so intrigued.
Anyhow, I blogged about the whole sufing thing awhile ago and this post is not about the surf lesson itself, but the change that it brought about that has manifested into all aspects of my life. So let's fast forward to September, 2016. I am a different person, and for some people it is hard to swallow. I have been met with a lot of resistance, a lot of anger, and a lot of people just hating on me. The funny part is that I am so happy with my new life that I don't care about the haters. IN fact, most of the things that would annoy me to no end a year ago are now just insignificant things that I refuse to let hold me back. Because the truth is, is I am flying. I am happy, I am surrounded by amazing people, I have two amazing kids, and parents that are supporting me 100%.
The whole surfing incident taught me so much. First and foremost it showed me that it is never too late to chase a dream. You see, I always had this dream of living on the north shore, of waking up with the sun and walking across to the beach. In most people's scenarios living on the north shore would equate withe surfing every day. However, in my dream my dream stopped at me stepping on the beach because back then I thought I would never be a surfer. Ok, in truth even today I am not much of a surfer and I will never be able to surge big waves on the north shore....but hey, in April I never thought I would be on a surfboard in the water, so point is made. At the ripe old age of ---- this chick learned to SURF! How bad ass is that?!!
As I was surfing at Waikiki yesterday a huge swell came and after catching a long wave I found myself battling white water madness trying to get back out to the line up. I laughed to myself as I found myself telling myself to charge the waves head on. I mean, this is me, the girl who didn't put her face in the water charging waves, getting pummeled, going under, hair a crazy mess, and actually enjoying the crazy. And so I told myself, surfing has taught me to take my challenges head on. To face them and not back down.
Finally, surfing has taught me to take risks and step out of my comfort zone. Had I not done that I would not be experiencing the amazing surfing life that I am. Since surfing I have also committed to Cross Fit at least 2 times a week and I now freely wear bikinis with my non-bikini bod. It is truly liberating to realize that I can live life as I want to now. That I can try things and fail, I can meet someone, hit it off and yet nothing might come of it. What I learned is to enjoy the experience, to learn from the good and the bad, the amazing and the hurt. To learn from people who disappoint you, and to cherish the people that have your back. Because you just never know unless you try. So will keep persevering until everything falls in place...whenever that is. You see, I am no longer in a rush to get "there." Because I am "here." I am happy. I am alive. I am living. I am loving. Loving so many things it's not even fair. I have a deep love for my true friends. I have a love for life. I am loving things like beer and bikinis. I love the time I have with my kids. I love the time I have to be me. The negativity no longer gets to me. I no longer feel the need to complain about everything. I don't feel tied to things that I used to. I embrace spontaneity and flexibility. The noose that once kept me uptight and angry has been removed. I am free.
Ah change. Gotta embrace it and love it.
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