Running, it's hazardous to my health!!! Get with the running etiquette!

Before I begin my my own personal propaganda, here are my disclaimers:

1. I am an animal lover.  Huge.  I have always had dogs, in fact I have a few at the moment.
2. I am a very friendly person in real life, in fact I smile, laugh, say hi, and talk to anyone--it's recently gotten me into a few weird "places" but I still smile, make eye contact, and acknowledge everyone in real life.
3. I am a weekend warrior runner.  By that I mean that I don't wear running shorts, I don't have a running visor, I don't subscribe to Runner's World, and all of those other things that "real" runners do.

Now that you know this about me, don't be a hater at then end of this post.  As you know, I've been on a running mission this year.  I've logged over 100 miles in 2011.  I could actually tell you the exact amount of miles I've run this year because I've logged every single workout I've completed on my calendar.  Only problem is that I don't have enough fingers and toes to add it all up.  Let it suffice to say that I've logged enough miles in to have an opinion about running on the streets in suburbia know who runs and how often as well as to formulate some pet peeves about this crazy past time that I have decided to focus all my energies on .  In the last 4 months I have ranted and raged in my head to myself (and my invisible audience) about the lack of etiquette of some of the peeps I encounter on my daily runs.  These have gotten to be so huge in my head that I finally feel the need to get them off of my chest.  So here is goes in no particular order in hopes that my running world can be a little more zen and feng shui.

1. I'm not wearing spandex during my run in the same spirit as the hottie girl/woman in a club.  I probably have panty lines because I sure as hell am NOT wearing a thong while I run. So please please don't honk, whistle or yell out the window at me.  It creeps me out.  It doesn't turn me on, and it's not going to get you my number.  It's not even going to get you a smile or a wave. I am really just wearing those pants because I am an old lady and I jiggle too much and need the support.  So, leave this old lady alone and let me run in peace.
2. Dogs.  I love dogs.  I don't think dogs need to be muzzled on their walks, but this is not my point.  If you have a dog that doesn't like people and will nip at their fat asses as they run by then keep them on a tight leash and make sure that as you're walking your dog you don't have your damn Ipod on so loud that you're not aware of others you're sharing the sidewalk with.  I nearly broke my leg running on the uneven grass swerving far far away from a scary looking dog only to have the dog lunge at my ass and almost take a bite outta my rump.  Luckily I jumped outta the way in time (I even screamed I was so damn scared) but in landing weird I could have really been injured had my ankles not been so strong from wearing heels all day every day.  If your dog doesn't know how to walk on a leash then I suggest the following  a) take your dog to puppy school, b) walk your dog at non-peak times, or c) keep your dog at home!!!  I am not very litigious but if I ever get bitten by a dog even after giving up the whole sidewalk I will sue your ass to fix my ass!!!!!  And I will make my ass look damn good at your expense!
3. Speaking of walking dogs, the proper etiquette is to yield to the runner/pedestrian and move your dog away from them, while always placing your body in between your dog and said runner/pedestrian.   C'mon, everyone knows this!!  Furthermore, while I love dogs, while I am running I really don't want to pet them, play with them, or talk to them.  Ask my husband.  When he runs with me I ignore him.  Running is always about running with me, not socializing!  And last thing while we're on the subject of dogs, please carry the plastic bag and pick up after your dog!!  My Pink Kayano and Nimbus Asics are waaay too pretty to get poop on them and I would hate for my husband to have to scrape poop off of them..or even worse buy me new shoes!!!
4. We live in America.  Stay to the right.  Common sense, right?  NO!  I am tired of playing "dodge" or whatever it is with people running toward me coming straight at me, I go right, they go left, I try to go left, they go right.  Hello!  You stay on your right, I will stay on mine!  And, even though there are NO LINES on the sidewalk, I think it's common sense that there's an imaginary line.  Everyone has the right to half.  That means, yield!  Don't take up the whole space unless you are in the categories that I explain below.  Oh, and if you're with a friend, then you need to yield by going single file so it's half and half--not give up one fourth of the sidewalk to the oncoming runner.  C'mon now, that's common sense too right?  
5. Yield.  I yield to baby carriages, strollers, joggers, and people with disabilities, ie. wheelchairs or prosthetics.  All else, see above.  Those of you who hog the sidewalk because you think you are entitled, think again.  Just because you are chatting with your girlfriend you haven't seen in a month, just because you're too lazy to get outta the way does not mean that you OWN THE ENTIRE sidewalk.  I am really nice and most times I will take the grass, even the road...but really, show aloha and share!!!  
6. Whoops, I have to add.  I also yield to cute old couples who are holding hands as they walk.  Like the Clarks.  They are one cute couple in love.  They've been holding hands walking since I was a kid.  Seeing them warms my heart.
7. lotta "Hey A!!!" from peeps I know.  Me, I'm not so much into the hi hello social thing.  It's not because I am a snob (see my disclaimers). I just prefer to run when I run.  If I am going to put myself under all that pain then I want to lose some weight so I just don't have time for niceties.  Please don't hold it against me and continue to say hi if you like.  I'll nod, maybe wave but usually won't make eye contact if I don't have to (I'm vain and I look like hell when I'm running!).
8. Cars.  Sigh.  Too many times I've almost been turned into hamburger. Please look up.  Please yield to pedestrians/runners.  Please stop at lights and signs.  And most importantly, slow down.
9. Kids on bikes.  Kids who are clueless.  First of all Bike Education needs to retain funding.  Kids going 100 mph on bikes outta control coming straight at you.  Kids who have no manners and no respect for their elders.  Sigh again....I really don't wanna be on mommy mode while I run or teacher mode for that matter.  That is after all, the reason I run, right?  To get away from all of that.  

To end, I just wanna say that I wish everyone would show aloha.  My parents taught me to be courteous, to respect elders, and to be kind.  I try to live that in all aspects of my life but while running it's getting a little taxing on my body and health.  I run pretty fast anywhere from an 8-11 minute mile.  I will always yield to others BUT running that fast and running on grass, roots, gravel, weeds, and dog poo is getting tough on the ankles.  Although I carry my phone with me for emergencies I would really hate to use it to call someone to pick my sorry ass up.

This is van mommy runner signing out and hoping that you pass on the word so that tomorrow's a better running day!!!