Why run?

Tonight I had an epiphany.  It happened at our carb loading dinner at Bravos with our friends/running friends and their kids. I began thinking back to last year's Hapalua experience and all I could think of was watching my first "race" in person.  Prior to that date the only races I had ever watched in person were my brother's high school track meets.  While I watched a few track meets on television and the races on the Olympics nothing prepared me for being 25 feet away from Bree Wee as she crossed the finish line.  I can vividly recall her smile, elation, the triumphant fist pumps.  She was a bad ass fast beautiful strong woman who was jumping up and down wildly after running 13.1 miles.  The woman was glowing and over-flowing with an amazing energy and I was captivated.  At that moment she had become my hero and over the course of the year I followed her triumphs and ingrained her image into my kids' heads as mommy's hero.

Reliving that moment led to reflections about my past year running races and trying to understand just what it was about running that had me so hooked and mesmerized.

And then it came to me.  It's not the physical  changes in my body that has resulted in a drop in over 4 jeans sizes, but the mental satisfaction that I get every day as a result of running.  Every day that I set out on a run I have the opportunity to prove myself wrong.

"I am so tired.  I didn't get enough sleep. I didn't eat well today. I feel fat. It's so hot.  The vog is horrible. I can't breathe.  I feel sick. This cough is killing me.  I don't have time.  I gotta get the kids to practice. I got a million things to do.  I can't run today."

And after going through all the reasons that I can't run or telling myself I'll just run 1 mile today I put on my shoes, head out onto the street and prove to myself that I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for.  Every day I run I re-invent my definition of strong.  Every day I run I prove to myself that I am capable of anything I set out to do.  Every day I run I confirm that my body is fierce.   Every day I push myself past what I thought I couldn't do.  It is empowering.  There is nothing more powerful than realizing that while my body is indeed strong, my mind is far, far stronger.

The past two years running has literally saved my life.  The strength that running gave my body saved me from a terrible health emergency.  The peace that running gives my soul saves from losing myself in my mommy identity crises that I have nearly every day.  The friends that I have made through running has helped surround me with the positive influences that I need to make the right choices every day.

So, why run?  I run because it is my passion. It is my release. It makes me mentally strong so that I am able to conquer my gears.  I run and I run and I run.