This year I added the North Shore Marathon to my race after I signed up for the Hibiscus Half. I thought it would be problematic but I didn't realize just how much. I learned that I definitely slump mentally and physically after a marathon and my mind and body needs a couple of months to bounce back. Post North Shore Marathon I gained weight and struggled with my injured knees. Two short races (a 5K and 10K) were good for my confidence but masked the fact that I wasn't training long distances needed to maintain a good pace for a Half Marathon. Post North Shore Marathon I logged a 7 miler, 8 miler and 10 miler but none were good runs. I knew I wasn't ready for a Half Marathon but of course I was going to try.
Heading in to this weekend I kept with my usual routine. I hydrated as much as I could and we went to our favorite restaurant, "Bravos" for dinner. I ordered my usual pasta dish but for whatever reason didn't order the salad that I normally ate with it. After dinner I got home, got everything ready, hydrated some more and got a good night's sleep. I didn't do too much planning for the race because I was not yet ready to commit to going for the sub 2 hour marathon that the Hibiscus was supposed to be. I was going to make a game day decision and go with it.
I woke up bright and early at 3 Sunday morning and got ready to go. I went through my normal race day routine but just couldn't get myself to "go" if you know what I mean. I tried several times and with no luck decided it meant that my body was good to go. We headed to Kapiolani Park to join our friends.
When we got to the park we learned that the only bathrooms open were 5 Porta-Potties. We got into a long line and waited. I was a little worried because I wasn't sure what my body was going to need and I knew I could never "go" in a porta pottie. Well, it didn't matter because after using the bathroom we got to the start line with only 5 minutes to spare and we missed all of the instructions. Standing in line with 5 minutes to start my stomach felt a little weird and I started to get nervous. My skirt and bra felt tight and I pounded on my stomach to try and relieve the gas and tried to re-arrange my clothes to feel comfortable. The sound of a horn took me by surprise and we started to run. As we headed up Diamond Head I noticed that the 10:30 pace I was running did not feel comfortable and I was already out of the game mentally. At that point I took myself out of the race and resigned to just try and finish. Not sure why or how or what came over me because this is not normal for competitive type A me. I think somewhere in my head I just wanted to give myself a well-deserved break and the chance to run without trying to "win." When we got to Triangle Park, mile 3 my stomach was definitely feeling bloated and as we took our first water break I told the hubby let's walk through it. He was totally shocked and said something about it. I ignored him and ran on.
After leaving Triangle Park I began thinking about bathrooms. I knew there was one at Kaimuki Middle School and a stall at the Gas Station. I decided that I would go to the Kaimuki bathroom. I knew it meant veering way off course but I decided that it was my best bet. So, after passing the school I told hubby I was going to the bathroom and went off course, about a quarter mile to go. I ran quickly to the bathroom and hoped that nature would take its course so that I could get on with the race but it was not to be. I left my Garmin running but I didn't check to see how many minutes I was "wasting" taking care of business. I waited for what seemed like an eternity until I was able to get some relief. I ran out as fast as I could and we got back on course. I knew that we had lost a lot of time and it was okay. I was concentrating on getting my ass across the line as best as I could, the race was already "lost" time wise but there was still 13.1 miles to conquer. Running a slow race was the least of my problems and I needed to focus and get the miles done.
Mile 4 was ahead of me and I was still feeling gassy and gross. It's pretty hard to run when you feel like there's a bubble that needs to be burst in your stomach and when your mind if just asking for relief!!! Not knowing what my body was going to want and being so far away from any bathrooms was a horrible distraction. I told myself to just get to mile 6 and the halfway point and we'd see where I was.
In all honesty as I neared the Gas Station I contemplated veering off and taking the 15K route back to the finish line. It wouldn't matter! I would still get my medal and a time. As much as I told myself I could do that I knew I wouldn't and so we got on Kalanianaole Highway and ran out to the turn around.
By this time other runners were heading back and the sun was high in the sky and beating on my face. I tried not to think and just continue on auto pilot but at this point my knees started to hurt and my mind became preoccupied with gas and shitty knees. I didn't care how long it took I just wanted to get the damn race over with and so I tried to push on as much as I could.
As we approached the turn around I was happy and a little PISSED. There was no mat at the turn around so I sure as hell could've cheated and turned around at any point, run less and get a better time!! I know you know that I would never do that..but a tired, in pain, gassy woman has strange thoughts when out in the middle of nowhere with no car, and a shitty time hanging over their head!!!
I told myself to just shut the hell up and get my ass moving and I ran on. Heading back to Kapiolani is much better. You get to see other runners running toward you and the sun is at your back. My knees were killing me because of the slanted ground I was running on but I was determined to try and make up some time. Miles 7-11 I swore at my knees a lot. I strayed from a runner who uses mantras to motivate to a runner who cursed their body parts. "Damn you effing knees," "My knees suck!" "Mo fo knees!" "My stomach is a bitch!" "My stomach hates me!" "I am full of gas!" All kinds of things were coming out of my mouth and being screamed in my head.
Finally, at mile 10, just before getting on to Kahala Avenue the Tums Gods bestowed upon me a gift and I was able to let one rip. The huge bubble in my stomach disappeared and I was able to get some relief. WHEW!!! Let's run a little faster and get outta here!!
As I turned on to Kahala I was filled with dread and hope. Dread because this is the shittiest part of the race, and hope because the torture was almost over. 3 miles! At the most 33 minutes and this nightmare would be over!!! Finish strong!!!
I was finally able to find some part of the old runner me and I put my head down and got to business. I was able to pick up the pace here and by mile 12 I saw a lot of the runners we had started the race with. We were back!!!
As I headed up Diamond Head I just told myself to run hard no matter what, run strong, hold my head up, and bring it home. I ran up the hill passing many tired runners and felt good about it. As I looked at my watch I realized that a few months ago I was already done with my Half Marathon and I also realized that my time was going to be slower than any other Half Marathon time I had ever had. These revelations could have made me give up but I refused to. I simply refused to become that kind of runner. The kind of runner who quits and is embarrassed of their shitty runs. No, that would not be me. I would own this race no matter how shitty my time. I would not make excuses I would learn from it. I would learn how to keep pushing hard in the face of defeat. I would learn to lose gracefully. I would learn to embrace the suck.
And so I descended the mountain strong and headed toward the finish. The road into Kapiolani Park is the part of the race that I would normally turn on the burner but today there was very little gas left in the tank and I told myself to just hold a steady pace and finish on my own two feet. The hubby and I ran in strong together and as we neared the finish line I grabbed his hand and we crossed together. It was always a wish of his to finish this way and we were finally able to.
After we received our medals I looked at my time and saw 2:18. Up until today my slowest Half Marathon time had been 2:13 (at my first Half Marathon in April 2012). I also knew that I ran this same Half Marathon last year in 2:11. 2:18 was slow for me, especially with my 52:53 finish in last week's 10K. I went from an 8:30 pace to a 10:30 pace. I pushed the thoughts out of my head and went to cheer on my friends and participate in our normal post-race shenanigans. And that's how it came back to me. The reasons for running. The fun friends, positive attitude, the healthy life style. All of these were so much more important that a PR. There would be many more races and other opportunities to so sub 2.
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Post race I have had a lot of time to reflect. Am I disappointed? Yes. Of course I am. I had an opportunity to improve my time and I wasn't able to. But that's okay. Losing every so often keeps one hungry, helps one to continue to improve, creates motivation. I had been smashing my records race after race this year. In every race that I ran up until this point I created a new PR. One cannot keep up such a success rate. In fact, that type of success rate probably would have led to serious injury and faster burn out. Today's race gave me the ok to take a break and rest my tired body. Something that I might now have learned had I smashed my Half Marathon PR.
And so, Spring Racing Season is over. I am going to take a break from long runs, do some Yoga and Zumba, try to lose some weight, and not worry so much about 30 and 40 mile weeks. I will take the few months to re-charge and find my mojo. I am going to get it back, I just know it!!!
I leave you with my award-winning Hibiscus Half Haiku:
slather body glide
put bandaids on those nipples
vaseline those toes
Van mommy is outta here. Got to ice the old lady knees!!!
slather body glide
put bandaids on those nipples
vaseline those toes
Van mommy is outta here. Got to ice the old lady knees!!!
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