When I started this blog years ago I was a completely different person. I thought I had finally arrived at life because I was a van driving soccer mom van with a boy, a girl, and a husband. I had finally achieved what I had been working for all of my life and I was spending it with the love of my life. I was busy, my schedule was full, I was the picture of suburban euphoria. I had it all and people envied me.
Back then, I thought what I had was enough. I Just assumed that being a married mom meant that you had to give things up, suck it up, put the kids first, and carry the load for the good of the family. Frustration, tears, anger, exhaustion was all a part of the package. Making it through the day and checking things off that list meant that you were a successful mom. And so I lived like that. Doing all the things I was supposed to do, giving it my all, running around like a chicken without its head, and bring everything to everyone. I did it for a long time and slowly but surely I lost my sense of self.
And so in a true American tragedy a vicious and horrible divorce played out followed by hurtful mistakes that left me empty, emaciated, and wildly stripped. I was bare, broken, and at my wits end. Lucky for me I was equally loved by friends and family who refused to let me fall completely apart, and my will to mother my two kids never faded. I somehow kept my head above water, threw myself into my passions, and adopted a no fear, no give up, live life attitude. I fought back, leaned on friends, and found myself thriving. I learned to live on my own, depend on myself, surround myself with good friends, and take care of my needs.
Suddenly, I was in love with life. My kids were the center of my life, but being able to run, surf, and be free enabled me to be a better mother. By being grounded in who I was and what was important to me, I was finally able to relax and enjoy my children. I did't know it, but I had finally arrived and was living.
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