Balance

I am so out of balance right now. There are so many things I want to be able to do and not enough time to do it all. Or rather, not enough time to put they type of commitment I want to put into everything I have on my plate.  Being an employee, mother, and runner are my main areas of focus.  Being a mom is a path I have chosen.  I have to be an employee to be able to support my family.  Being a runner is gravy.  My gravy is suffering.

Today marks 4 weeks to my 3rd marathon. I am struggling with training and injuries.  At this time last year I was totally on top of my game.  I could run 14 miles without sweating and with total confidence. Today I struggle to even get out the door.

So close to the marathon I should be training hard and consistently. My calendar is marked with the mileage I should be putting in.  I am far from the numbers I should be hitting. I should have ran 14-16 miles today. Instead I took a day off.

Sunday mornings for the past two years have been devoted to training.  Lucky for me my parents support this marathon thing and take care of my kids.  They have a nice time going to China Town and eating dim sum on Sundays while hubby and I put in the work out in town.  My alarm went off at 4 this morning and I was supposed to get in my car and drive out to run. Instead, I slept in and awoke to the sounds of two cute little kids watching on the Ipad together.  As a family we got dressed and went out to breakfast.  I cannot remember the last time we had done this.  While they drive me a little nuts it was so nice to sit down and watch the kids enjoy their meal.  After breakfast we did some grocery shopping and then I went home and cooked not one, but two meals!!!

In the afternoon we headed to the pool to meet friends and I snuck away for a little 6 miler.  Far from the 14 miles I was supposed to run but when I was done I was able to meet friends and family back at the pool and have a nice dinner.

A perfect day that would never have happened without choosing what dream to sacrifice.  A perfect day that's tainted with a little bit of guilt and regret that I had to leave a part of me behind.

And so I continue to struggle to find that balance.  To be able to be everything to everyone and be able to be true to myself.  And it continues to drive me insane because the balance is so hard to achieve.  And letting just a part of the equation slack feels like a failure and can even lead to complete and utter chaos (have you seen me when I am not able to get a good run in?).

And yet my my number one priorities will always be my little guys, D and N.

Today's meals: